Kingdom

I never wanted to be king.

I didn't wake up one morning and think, "Hey, I think I'll run for king today."

In fact, when I was made king, I was just trying to do my job. Find the donkeys that belonged to my father—that's all I was trying to do. We had looked all over and they didn't seem to be anywhere. Finally, we had wandered so far away from home that I suggested we go back. After all, they were just donkeys. I didn't want my father to worry about us.

That's when it was suggested we go find the prophet, the preacher, and see if he might be able to tell us where the donkeys were. It was a suggestion that would change my life. When we finally found Samuel (and he wasn't easy to find), he invited us to dinner, then told me to send my servants home. He wanted to speak to just me.

After they left, he poured oil on my head and told me God had chosen me to be the first king of Israel. He gave me some signs to look for as I left, so that I would know that what he said was true, and soon after that, he called all of Israel together.

I never wanted to be king. Did I mention that?

So I hid. When everyone had gathered together, I hid among the baggage. Which was, of course, laughable, because I'm so stinking tall that I couldn't really hide. And, of course, they found me. They made me king, although I heard some people on the side laughing and saying, "How can this fellow save us?" Honestly, I wondered the same thing.

I never wanted to be king. But I came to enjoy it. I mean, it's good to be king. People do what you tell them. You have lots of power and wealth. You also have lots of responsibility. And it's lots of work. Since I was the first, there was nothing in place to build on. I had to create it all—the whole government. Thankfully, Samuel was there. At least at first. He was a good advisor at first. But then he didn't seem to want to respond as quickly as I needed him to. He took his time. He did his own thing. Who did he think he was?

Then came that awful day, when I went ahead and did his job by offering the sacrifice. I knew I wasn't supposed to, but Samuel was taking his time arriving and I was afraid the men would leave. I had just finished when Samuel arrived, aghast and angry, and then he told me that because of my selfishness my kingdom wouldn't last beyond myself. My son, Jonathan, would not be king. Someone else would be. I think that's when the madness began.

Did I mention I never wanted to be king?

The worst day of all was when we attacked the Amalekites, and even though I was told to destroy everything, there was a lot of nice stuff there. So I allowed the men to keep some of it. And then I lied to Samuel. I told him everything had been destroyed, just like God had said to do. "What then is this bleating of sheep I hear?" Samuel asked. He was so very angry with us—with me—and in fact, he told me then and there I was done as king. He would never see me again. God had removed his blessing from my kingdom.

That day, of all days, drove home the point that having human power and being obedient to God is a hard combination. Somewhere along the way, I lost track of God's place in my life. Samuel warned me. I just didn't listen. But then again, I never wanted to be king, and I can't help but wonder how my life would have been different if I hadn't become king.

I can feel the madness come on from time to time. The only thing that helps is this shepherd boy that's been hired to play music for me. It soothes me. I just wish I could go back to the day before I was chasing the donkeys, back to when I was close to God, back before I was king. Because I never wanted to be king.


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