Toby

"I saw that wisdom is better than folly,
just as light is better than darkness." (Ecclesiastes 2:13)

I first met Toby when I was asked to serve as Spiritual Director for the first board of the Midwest Crossroads (northwest Indiana) Emmaus Community. Toby and his wife, Eloise, were part of that Board, as was another young man named Tobey. Toby helped me understand the difference between the two in this way: "When I was born, we were so poor we couldn't afford an 'e.' That's why I'm T-o-b-y and he's T-o-b-e-y." That was Toby—a wonderful sense of humor and a determination to never take himself too seriously.

Toby rotated off of the Board long before I did, but not too long after that, I became his pastor. I already knew Toby had a deep faith, but I learned he was also a wise man. He knew, long before we in the church started talking about "radical hospitality," how to welcome people and not just with a "hello." He welcomed people in a way that let you know you were important, valued. And he put that skill to use not only in the church, but also for several years at the funeral home across from the church. Toby worked as the door greeter, meeting grieving people, helping them find what they needed, and making sure nothing was added to their grief. When he left that position, there was a hole that the funeral home has only recently been able to fill.

Toby was passionate about his family as well, and he felt their hurts and their joys deeply. But, then, he had a large family. There were the three daughters he and Eloise had, and their families, but Toby also welcomed a whole lot more people into his extended "family." He loved well. That song that says, "I love you with the love of the Lord"? Toby lived that out. He meant it when he sang it.

Of course, he didn't sing it very often. Eloise wouldn't let him sing...and neither would anyone else! I never actually heard him sing, but I'm told it was pretty bad. Yet, even though he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, he loved the music of the church and the ways it helped others draw closer to Jesus. Just don't give him the solo for the cantata this year!

Most of all, Toby loved Jesus and, throughout his 85 years, developed a lifestyle of listening and responding to the places Jesus led him. When we began a caregiving ministry at the church, Toby came to the training—mainly, I think, because Eloise wanted him to—but he told me before we started he wasn't going to do any funeral ministry! He'd already "been there, done that." At the conclusion of the training, he confessed to me, "I think I spoke too hastily. I think I'm being called into funeral ministry." Toby and Eloise were also our very first mentors for engaged couples who wanted to be married at the church. He told me once, "I tell it like it is, and I'm not afraid to talk about anything." Well, that was certainly true, and his legacy in that area has been so many couples who are stronger because they had such a faithful Christian example to look to.

About a year and a half ago, Eloise was suddenly taken from him, and something deflated in Toby. He's struggled with his health, and he missed her so terribly much. Last week, Toby's illness was stronger than his body and he went home to be with Jesus and with Eloise. Yes, the illness may have beaten his body, but it never defeated his faith. Today, Toby stands restored and whole, healed and in the presence of the Savior he loved for so long.

I was already thinking about Toby today (his memorial service is this morning), but when I read the verse above from Ecclesiastes, I couldn't help but reflect on this man who chose wisdom over folly, who chose light over darkness and whose faith carried him through good days, bad days, and all the days in between. Rest well, Toby. I look forward to seeing you again someday. You are a wise, faithful man whom I have been privileged to call friend.