Where It Starts
We think love starts with us. We think we somehow learn to love by watching other people, or watching television and movies, or reading about it in books. And maybe we do learn some aspects of "romantic" love in those ways (however, is what we learn in those places always helpful or healthy?), but that's not where love starts.
We think love begins, then, in our wills. Love is a choice. We decide, based on what we think of that other person, whether or not we will like them, whether or not we will despise them, whether or not we will love them. And while there is an element of choice when it comes to love, love does not ultimately begin in our will, or our mind, or a choice that we make.
We think love begins in our natural self, that it's built in somehow. We are "hard wired" for love. And that's true, to an extent. When we are infants, we have a huge level of dependence on our parents and other caregivers. We learn, unconsciously, that everything we need at that point comes from them. And we interpret that as love, but is it really? Or is it dependence, survival? Love, perhaps, grows out of that, but love doesn't start there. At least not the kind of love we were made for.
And that's the rub, isn't it? We tend to settle for what I would call lesser kinds of love. Friendship, romantic, familial love—all good, all satisfying up to a point. And those kinds of love may begin with us, somewhere deep within who we are. But ultimately, when we settle for merely those kinds of love, we are robbing ourselves of what we were made for. And when we search for a source other than where true love comes from, we are missing the very point of life.
John, in one of his most pointed statements, makes it clear: "We love because he first loved us." English doesn't make it that clear, because the word "love" in English encompasses a whole lot of things that are separated in the Greek of the New Testament. John uses the word agape here, which is self-sacrificing love, the kind of love God has for us, the kind of love that says (and means), "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." And that kind of love never begins with us. That kind of love ultimately can only begin in God. The only way we know how to love, the only way we can come even close to expressing agape love is when we realize it starts with God. It is supremely demonstrated in the cross of Jesus Christ. We can love only because he first loved us.
Without that kind of love, we would never know what true love is. But every time we get close to it, any time we get a glimpse of agape happening in this world, it's only because Jesus showed it to us first, on the cross and in his every word and action.
We love...because he first loved us. Thanks be to God that he did!
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