Faithful Friends

The second kind of love is phileo, or "friendship love." It's the word we find in the city name "Philadelphia," which is known as the city of brotherly love. This is the affection, the connection, the love that exists between friends, the "glue" that binds two friends together.

Think about those who are among your closest friends. What was it that brought you together? What was it that caused you to seek out a friendship with each other? Think about those folks whom you may not live near anymore, but with whom a conversation can start up "right where you left off" as soon as you see each other. These are the folks for whom you have phileo love.

This love, like the others, is disordered in our world today. We don't take time for friendships any more, largely because we've substituted online connections with friendships. We even refer to people as "my Facebook friend." I have, currently, 1,342 Facebook "friends." That number fluctuates often, as it doesn't seem to be a normal week until I've been unfriended a time or two. But a large number doesn't necessarily mean a person is popular. In my case, it means I've lived a lot of places and served four different churches across Indiana. I've also been involved in three different Emmaus communities, which has helped me make lots of other connections. Here's my point: of those 1,342 friends, I still know very little about what is really going on in the lives of each one and I see very few of them on any sort of regular basis (or at all). They are not phileo friends, by and large. They are online connections. I'm glad to have them. I'm glad to be able to know, at least on the surface, what's going on in their lives. But, like with many online connections, most of those relationships are a mile wide and an inch deep.

Proverbs tells us what true phileo friendship looks like: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." It is in difficult times that you truly learn who your phileo friends are. It is when the going gets tough, when the storms threaten the breakers, when life seems like it will never be the same—that's when you discover the depth of any relationship. Phileo friends show up with a casserole. They come by to just sit with you. They call to check on you. I have two precious voicemail recordings which I will never delete because they are from a seminary friend who learned I was going through a difficult time and he called just to check on me and pray with me. I treasure those voicemails, not just because of their message, but also because he has since gone to be with the Lord and those voicemails are the only way I can still hear his voice. He called to make me laugh, to encourage me, and to let me know someone cared.

We need to get off our screens (well, after you finish this blog) and connect with people out in the real world. Facebook friends simply can't be there (the majority of them) in a time of adversity. Oh, they may offer virtual support, but we need phileo friends who will hold our hands, who will give us a hug and who will go to battle for us if necessary. For the sake of our mental, emotional and spiritual health, we need phileo friends.