Heart Journey: Two Months

Yesterday, late in the day, I realized it was the twelfth—my two month "heart-a-versary" (that's not a word; I just made it up right this moment!). The fact that it was late in the day either means it had been a very full day or I've grown used to the changes in my life since I got a shiny new valve.

It's probably the former, because I'm still not used to many new things.

The clicking goes on...and on...and on....and on. And it continues to distract and bother me, though everyone around me says they like to hear it. The youth at church think it is "cool" (that may be the first time in a long time, if ever, that word has been used in my direction) and my wife says it is "comforting." It is part of my life, and I suppose I will eventually get used to it. But two months in, not yet.

Cardiac rehab is part of my life now, and I am enjoying it much more than I expected. The group of people that gather around 8 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays have welcomed me in, the nurses that run the rehab are great to work with, and I'm finding the exercise a great discipline. It's definitely something I want to keep up even after my "insurance-approved" sessions are over.

I've fought with insurance and continue to struggle to understand how they can overrule the doctors. My only answer? They have better lobbyists in Washington than the doctors do.

I continue to have times when I get tired. There are many evenings I conk out in my chair much earlier than I did before. I'm told that will get better as my stamina increases, but I have learned better how to listen to my body and stop when I need to stop. That's not something I was good at before. But because I've become better at it (not perfect, but better), I find I'm feeling better and able to work now most of the day. Lesson learned: God created us for a rhythm of work and rest, going and stopping, and when we ignore that rhythm, it is to our detriment and sometimes to our peril. Now, if I just can continue to pay attention to that rhythm even when I feel back to myself.

Another thing that has happened is that this heart journey has taken me places I've not been before, to doctors offices and rehab centers and into people's lives that I had not met before. It has given me a chance to shine the light of Christ to people I would never have met any other way. God can and will bring good out of everything, even when the situation itself is not so good. God is still in the healing and resurrection business. He's still in the heart business—healing my heart and reaching those hearts that yet need to hear him. Pray for me, that I would represent him well.

All in all, two months in, I am feeling good and glad to be out and about again. Every time someone says, "It's good to see you," I usually respond, "It's good to be seen." When you've been through a life-threatening situation, it really is good to be seen. And it's good to be back doing what I believe I've been called to do. God is faithful and brings us through difficult times, and even though I'm not "there" yet, I'm on the way. I am thankful. I am blessed. I am hopeful.