Heart Matters: One Year

Today I celebrate one year since my heart valve replacement surgery, a surgery that, according to my cardiologist, not just anyone could have done. (Thank you, Dr. Fehrenbacher!) Today I also have completed my 130th cardiac rehab session. Someone asked me how long I have to go to rehab. My answer: until I get it right!

Seriously, though...one year. In some ways, it doesn't seem possible. It seems like it's not been that long since I went "under the knife." And in other ways, so many things are different that it seems like it was a long time ago.

One year later...

I can still hear the steady "click, click, click" of my heart valve. Those who told me I would get used to it and no longer hear it lied to me. It never goes away. No, it does not keep me up at night, but whenever I am awake, I hear it. (Did anyone else read "The Telltale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe in high school? Yeah, it kind of reminds me of that.)

I have had to adjust to the constant changes in my blood chemistry. I try to regulate my diet and stay with the same sorts of foods, but still my blood chemistry seems to abruptly change every so many weeks, necessitating a change in the blood thinner medication. At first, this discouraged me quite a bit. Now, it's just part of life. Part of the rest of my life.

Honestly, there are times when my body doesn't quite feel right. There have been times when it feels a little like I'm in a body that is not exactly my own. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but I don't know how else to describe it. It's sort of like observing your own life, if that makes it any clearer. A year after the surgery, I'm still figuring out some of the changes in my own body, and it's hard. So if you catch me on a day when things aren't quite working right and something seems off, if I'm a little cranky for no apparent reason, I apologize. I'm sorry. I know it happens, and hopefully it will happen with less frequency as more years pass.

I still get tired and am thankful for evenings when I have nothing planned. I am also thankful for my wife and family who have taken such good care of me and cheered me on during difficult days. I'm learning to be thankful for each and every day and trying not to hurry through them all (though they do seem to go by so fast). I'm thankful for nurses and doctors, techs and assistants who have helped me on the path to wellness. I'm thankful for my church family that has supported, loved and encouraged all of us in the last year's journey. I have re-learned we cannot make this journey alone, that God never intended for life to be a solitary experience.

To all of you, fellow travelers, my heart on this day is only full of one phrase: thank you. Thank you! THANK YOU!