Fighting With One Another

Read Matthew 18:15-20.


We fight sometimes. We disagree. We get "sideways" with one another. That's just reality, and our tendency to believe we are right and "they" are wrong does not go away when we give our life to Christ. Yes, we dream and long for "complete unity" in the Holy Spirit, but the truth of the matter is "WE" get in the way. We don't always listen to the Holy Spirit as well as we should.

Witness the ongoing debate/argument that has turned rather nasty in my own denomination, the United Methodist Church. Despite the reports of the media that the church "definitively defined" its positions on human sexuality at General Conference 2019, what we really did was set up a battle royale for General Conference 2020. Those on the right and those on the left and those somewhere in between all are passionate about their positions, and both claim to be listening to the Holy Spirit and to be reading the Scriptures. And yet I have seen such nastiness on all sides from friends online that it has made me heartsick. (It's made me pull way back from social media as well.) "WE" get in the way sometimes.

Of course, Jesus knew humanity. He knew our tendencies and what we are like. And so, during his time on earth, he gave instructions for dealing with disagreement and sin in the church. When we don't see eye-to-eye, Jesus says to do three things:

  • Talk to each other, face to face. Don't build coalitions and smear the other person online. Talk to them. Just the two of you. (18:15)
  • If that doesn't result in resolution, take another person along and try again. (18:16)
  • If that doesn't bring healing, "tell it to the church." I don't believe that means standing up in front of the church and calling out another person's sin on Sunday morning. I believe that what is called "church" in this passage might better translate into today's culture to "small group," some trusted folks who love you both. In other words, this is not an excuse for public (or online) shaming. (18:17a)
  • If healing does not happen, then there is even a provision for going our own ways. (18:17b)
I'm going to preach more about this after Easter at Mount Pleasant, because I can't help but wonder what might happen if we actually took Jesus' instructions here seriously. The goal is not to prove you are right or wrong; the goal is not even to change the other person's mind. The goal is to find healing and the ability to move forward.

Something else to notice here, however: it's in THIS context that the famous verse (18:20) is spoken: "Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." We yank that verse out of context and use it to describe our worship gatherings or our small groups or our potlucks. But Jesus said this in the context of resolving conflict. It's there, when two or three gather to talk honestly, openly and clearly about the conflict between them, that he promises to be with them. He wants to bring healing and wholeness to all of creation; that is why he came.

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