Doing...or Suffering?

Lord, make me what You will.

I put myself fully into Your hands:

Put me to doing, put me to suffering...

I like to do things. I'm not one who can just sit around and do nothing; I like to be busy. Often, when I wake up in the morning, my first thoughts turn to what has to be accomplished that day, what project I'll put my hand to. Many of us are like that, maybe most. Our culture was built on and by "doers." Getting it done. Putting the hand to the plow. Even in my ordination vows, we were encouraged to be doers as the Bishop (using the words of John Wesley) told us never to be "triflingly employed."

So I can easily pray this line of the Wesleyan Covenant Prayer: "Put me to doing." Yes, Lord. I want to DO something for you. I want to accomplish something for you. I hear pastors and laypeople all the time talk about accomplishing some great thing for God's kingdom. I've even said something like that myself. Within that is a bit of hubris, though. There's part of us that wants to be remembered, and we think if we DO something great for God, others will think well of us, keep us in their minds and hearts long after we're gone. Yes, Lord, I can get behind this prayer. Put me to doing.

But this next part, the phrase that is coupled with "doing," is not easy to pray. Nor is it, I think, one we pray often with sincerity: "Put me to suffering." But, Lord, I don't want to suffer. Suffering sounds so painful, and no one notices people who are suffering (or, if they do, it's only for a short time). And what good is it anyway? Why would I even want to pray for suffering?

The intent of this prayer is not so much to ask for suffering, but to be willing to suffer if it can be used to further God's glory. It's a willingness to do whatever we can to make God known. To me, it brings to mind the story of Chinese believers who undergo intense persecution for their faith. When one pastor was asked by a western missionary how we could pray for them, the pastor said, "Do not pray that the persecution will end. Pray that we will have the strength to stand up under it." That is a prayer to be used in whatever way we can be for God's sake.

What we often forget is that, in the Christian faith, suffering is understood as redemptive. Jesus suffered and died for our redemption—out of death, God brought life. Out of pain, God brought healing. There is nothing God can't redeem; there is nothing he won't use. "By his wounds," Isaiah promised, "we are healed" (53:5). Can I explain it? No, I can't, because to our world, it doesn't make sense. That's not how things work, we are told. But have I experienced redemption in the midst of suffering? Yes, so many times. God takes my pain and uses it as a healing balm for someone else. Do I understand how that works? No, I don't. But I am thankful that there isn't anything God can't turn upside down, nothing that God can't use.

Put me to suffering...it's a difficult prayer. It may not be one you are ready to pray. It's often not one I want to pray. But if I want to fully follow Christ, the road leads to a cross, and out of that suffering, God will always bring life and hope and healing.