Full AND Empty

Lord, make me what You will.

I put myself fully into Your hands:

Put me to doing, put me to suffering,

Let me be employed for You, or laid aside for You,

Let me be full, let me be empty...

I ran out of gas one time and one time only in my life (well, so far...). Once was enough. I was in college, and our InterVarsity group was on the way to Chicago to work for a week in a northside mission. The rest of the group came from Muncie and picked me up at my home in Sedalia. Now, I knew my gas gauge was broken, but I also reasoned that it had been full just the day or so before, so surely they would all need gas before I did. I couldn't have been more wrong. About an hour away from my home, my car started sputtering, ran out of gas and I watched as the rest of the group kept going while I drifted off to the side of the road. After quite some time of trying to get someone to stop and help us, go back and get some gas and fill up the tank, the group finally came looking for me!

That's the first image that came to mind when I read the next phrase in this Covenant Prayer: "Let me be full, let me be empty." Well, of course, we think, full is better than empty. A full gas tank will take us places. An empty one will leave us stranded. A full belly makes us happy (and sleepy). An empty tummy makes us cranky. We can understand praying to be full. Why would we pray to be empty?

As with all of these contrasts, Wesley is reminding us of something we forget, and even some things we don't like. It's when we're empty that we most realize we need something to fill us up. When our gas tank is empty, we realize we need to quickly find a filling station. When our bellies are empty, we start looking for a snack or the next meal. And when our spirits are empty...that's when we realize we most need God. Wesley's prayer directs us to ask for that which will most guide us closer to God. Sometimes when things are going really well, when our hearts are full and we are on a spiritual "high," we draw nearer to God. But the Biblical experience is that, more often, it's when we are empty, when we are in the wilderness, we most realize we need God. When we are "full," we can begin to depend on ourselves and forget about God. When we are "empty," we realize we need something—someone, actually. It's in the empty times that we most frequently turn to God. It's in the difficult places where we grow the most.

Maybe we can hear Wesley's prayer in this way: "Let me be empty of me and full of you. If becoming full of you requires emptying everything that is me, everything that causes me to depend solely on myself, then so be it. Let me full of you, Lord, and empty of myself."

By the way, this prayer also reminds us we need frequent fillings. We leak. And when we leak, we tend to try to stuff more of "me" into those places. So we keep praying: "Fill me up, Lord. Fill the leaks with your spirit, not my own." Let me be full AND let me be empty.

When you're feeling empty, give thanks. There is a God who wants to and who will fill you up from head to toe. And you will never be the same again.