Forgive Who?
A while ago...
I was in a cab, going from the hotel to the airport. We'd had a wonderful trip through the Mediterranean, and mostly I had been able to leave behind the troubles and the stress that had bothered and upset me for a couple of years. But as we headed to the Athens airport, preparing for a long flight home, all of the things that had happened back home began to thrust themselves upon me again.
And I knew I had work to do. If I was ever going to be able to move beyond the hurt and the turmoil, I had to be able to forgive.
So in that cab, as my daughter sort of dozed beside me, I took out my iPhone and began to write a note, a forgiveness list. I wrote down the names of those who (from my vantage point) had hurt me. Broken relationships filled the list. And as I wrote, I had an experience I've only had a few times—and experience in which I knew God was speaking to me, whispering to my spirit.
"The first person you need to forgive...is you."
What do you mean, God?
"You are angry at yourself for things you have said and done, for things unsaid and undone, for not being able to bring healing to this situation. You need to let yourself go, first, before you can forgive anyone else. The first person you need to forgive is you."
Often, the person we find it hardest to forgive is ourselves. We believe (we know) God forgives. We hang onto that truth. We can even work toward the place where we forgive that person who hurt us deeply—the co-worker who stole our job, the neighbor who said nasty things about us, the spouse who betrayed us, the church that didn't do what we thought it ought to. But forgiving ourselves? That's the hard part. We're really good at rehearsing what happened over and over and over again in our minds. The hurt we most often hold onto the longest is the hurt we have caused ourselves.
God spoke to me in an Egyptian cab that morning: "The first person you have to forgive is you." And when that happens, nearly anything else is possible.
I was in a cab, going from the hotel to the airport. We'd had a wonderful trip through the Mediterranean, and mostly I had been able to leave behind the troubles and the stress that had bothered and upset me for a couple of years. But as we headed to the Athens airport, preparing for a long flight home, all of the things that had happened back home began to thrust themselves upon me again.
And I knew I had work to do. If I was ever going to be able to move beyond the hurt and the turmoil, I had to be able to forgive.
So in that cab, as my daughter sort of dozed beside me, I took out my iPhone and began to write a note, a forgiveness list. I wrote down the names of those who (from my vantage point) had hurt me. Broken relationships filled the list. And as I wrote, I had an experience I've only had a few times—and experience in which I knew God was speaking to me, whispering to my spirit.
"The first person you need to forgive...is you."
What do you mean, God?
"You are angry at yourself for things you have said and done, for things unsaid and undone, for not being able to bring healing to this situation. You need to let yourself go, first, before you can forgive anyone else. The first person you need to forgive is you."
Often, the person we find it hardest to forgive is ourselves. We believe (we know) God forgives. We hang onto that truth. We can even work toward the place where we forgive that person who hurt us deeply—the co-worker who stole our job, the neighbor who said nasty things about us, the spouse who betrayed us, the church that didn't do what we thought it ought to. But forgiving ourselves? That's the hard part. We're really good at rehearsing what happened over and over and over again in our minds. The hurt we most often hold onto the longest is the hurt we have caused ourselves.
God spoke to me in an Egyptian cab that morning: "The first person you have to forgive is you." And when that happens, nearly anything else is possible.
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)
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