Heart Journey: The Ticker

Mornings are difficult. Even the most mundane of tasks will completely wipe me out. Both mornings at home so far, I've had to lay down again and rest after taking a shower. Both afternoons so far, we've gone out to run errands and I've needed a nap after about an hour. I force myself to stay awake until at least my normal bedtime of 10:30 so that I will sleep all night. And no, I don't miss the techs and nurses waking me up at 11 p.m., 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. for various pokings, proddings and tests!

This recovery has so far been different than the one before. For one, I don't have the nausea I had before—thank God! An undiagnosed medicine allergy caused me to be ill for most of the first 2-3 weeks when I was home before. This time, it's more a light-headedness and temperature swings, at least some of which, I believe, is due to the changes in chemistry my body is going through. Due to having an artificial valve installed, I will be on a blood thinner for the rest of my life. In these initial days, the blood and the body is having to adjust to a "new normal" in a period of time when we don't even know what that normal will be. So my body is out of whack and will be for a while, but I'll take this adaptation over nausea any day!

The biggest change I have to adjust to, however, is the ticking. For all of my life, I have heard people call our heart a "ticker," but that phrase has taken on even more meaning in the last week. In the hospital, after the surgery, I had various medical personnel come into my room and ask me if I could hear my new heart valve. I couldn't, not even with a stethoscope, at least not very well. Several said they could hear it as soon as they walked into my room. It wasn't until we got home, in the silence of our normal surroundings, that the ticking began to register in my mind. And it is and was loud, at least to my hearing. To be completely honest, it really freaked me out at first, and it still does a little bit. I'm not used to hearing my body parts make noise, and this one in particular causes me some anxiety. (As a side note, those white noise apps are really helpful in getting to sleep when your body is ticking!)

Now, don't start asking me why the anxiety or what I'm afraid of. I honestly don't know. Anxiety attacks don't generally make any sense. And I can already sense some of that easing as I've grown more expectant of hearing it. And I already know that the ticking is a sign of healing, of provision, of medical cure. All of that I know. It doesn't take away being freaked out. What does help is prayer, and asking God to help me learn to live with this new twist. So I would ask you to join me in that prayer as well.