Confidentiality

Do I confidentially pass on to others what has been said to me in confidence?

"Don't tell anyone!" John said. Bill looked him straight in the eyes. "You know I wouldn't. I'm your friend. You can trust me." And as they parted, Bill ran into Stan. They talked for a while, and then Bill said, "Hey, did you know about John? We need to pray for him...and here's why..."

Later that day, John was at work, focusing on a big project that was due that day, when Gina wandered by his cubicle. "Just want you to know," she said, "I'm praying for you." Then she walked on. John was confused. He hadn't asked Gina to pray for him. What could she mean? Then he remembered his conversation with Bill. Putting the project aside, he called Bill on his cell phone.

"Hello, this is Bill," said his friend's voice on the other end. "What can I do for you?" John asked him if he had shared the story from their breakfast together with anyone. "No," Bill said, "I told you I wouldn't do that." Are you sure? John asked. "Well, I did see Stan, and I asked him to pray for you. Since you and Stan are friends, I knew you wouldn't mind."

John was angry. He was frustrated. He hung up the phone and wondered who had been told between Stan and Gina. How could he ever face his friends again? And whom could he trust?

Confidentiality is a huge issue in our world today. Hospitals have strict rules they have to abide by in terms of what can be said when. Pastors are affected by those rules when we are asked how so-and-so is, or what their ailment is. Legal arrangements guide what can be said and what can't about certain issues. And churches, who want to pray for others, find themselves frustrated in sharing prayer requests and in caring for those who are in need in the church family because...well, we want to know the details! What can we share and what can't we?

It should be a simple rule: if someone told you something in confidence, you don't share it. Ever. But then, like in the story above, we find someone we think we can trust, someone who is a mutual friend perhaps, and whatever it is is weighing on our soul so we find ourselves sharing that thing that we said we wouldn't. And they tell a friend, who tells two friends, and so on and so on...until often the "thing" isn't even recognizable.

Is it enough for us to simply say, "Pray for John"? And if not, why not? God knows the situation. Can we trust Him to watch over whatever it is without our knowing the details? "But," we say, "I need the details so I can pray more specifically." Do your "specific" prayers somehow twist God's arm more? Do our "particular" prayers somehow make those prayers more "powerful"? Not at all. The one we are talking to in prayer is the one who rules the universe. He knows the intent of our hearts and knows the situation we are praying about. And the prayer he taught us to pray is pretty general in itself.

So I deal with vague prayer requests in this way: "God, you know the situation far better than I ever could. So please give exactly what is needed. Pour your grace and mercy into this person's life."

God knows, even when we don't. And that's the right order. That's the way it ought to be.