Heart Journey: Results

I met with my cardiologist today, my next-to-last doctor's appointment before the big day. The purpose in today's meeting was to go over the CAT scan I had last Saturday, to review the results of all the tests I have undergone. The confirmation is there: I do have a 5-centimeter aneurism in the wall of my aorta, and my aorta is oddly shaped. It doesn't taper down like most would; it bulges and then rescinds quickly.

The "good" news is two-fold. One, he suspects it may have been there for some time, perhaps even at the time of my last surgery (at which point it was too small to be a problem so it was left alone). That also means it's unlikely to break loose and wreak havoc in my body, at least not any time soon. And that leads to the second piece of "good" news: it can and will be dealt with at the time of my surgery this year.

So we're moving forward, with likely more information than we had nineteen years ago. I've been tested literally inside and out, more so than I ever remember being tested. Not only does God know me inside and out (Psalm 139), I'm beginning to feel like my doctors do, too!

A verse that was given to me when I was in college is Psalm 73:26: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." In my dorm room, when dealing with the idea of being a heart patient was new, I wrote these words out on a notecard and tacked them above my desk. They quickly became not just words on a piece of paper, but words inscribed on my heart. This promise has held me through every health challenge that has come my way. God is the strength of my heart. God is all I need forever. No matter what happens, the promise is that I'll be okay because I am in his hands. Now, thirty-two years after writing out that verse and putting it up in my dorm room, I am ever more thankful for the promise and the strength. I am glad I do not have to go through all of this alone. He is with me, and he has me in his hand.