Staying Power

For several years, in every new member gathering that I host, I typically ask people to answer two questions (besides giving their names and such). First, why did you come to this church the first time? Often, we get all sorts of answers from a"Going through a life crisis" to "I just moved into town" to "I was looking for a new church." There are many, many reasons why people show up at church.

The second question I ask, though, is the one I really want an answer to. "Why did you come back?" A lot of people visit a church for the first time; they may even, despite a bad first impression, stay through the entire worship service but then never return. I'm always curious why people come back, because if we can capitalize on those events, people or experiences that cause 25% of our first-time visitors to connect with the church, we can then "lead with our strengths."

Interestingly, I get similar responses from everyone who stays or who connects in some way. It almost never has to do with the worship service, and rarely even with the sermon (as much as we pastors would like to think otherwise!). Instead, in the vast majority of times, it has to do with connections. I noticed early on in my ministry that the people who "stuck" to a church were the ones who either (a) came with someone the first time (this includes being invited by someone or knowing someone already in the church), or (b) they make a connection with people in the first couple of visits.

The way that gets communicated at our new member gatherings is this: "The people were so welcoming and friendly." "I felt at home here." "We got involved in a ministry/small group/service project." All of those things are ultimately about connection. If a person does not feel some sort of connection in the first few visits, they will look elsewhere.

Let me let you in on another little secret: that connection is most likely not going to be with the pastor. Sure, it may be nice if a new person gets to meet the pastor (or it may not be!), but they are not going to stay because of the pastor. The pastor is the "paid, religious professional" who they expect to be nice to them. It's when someone who doesn't have to be welcoming actually is—that's what makes the strongest impression.

Let me say one more word about the pastor's role. People may LEAVE because of the pastor, but they're not likely to STAY because of the pastor...unless the pastor is entertaining and that's all they come for. There are some folks who only come for what I call "the show" (the sermon, if it's entertaining enough and not too convicting), but they will never dig very deep into the life of faith or the life of the church.

So...these are my experiences. What does Rainer say about why people stay?

1. Someone asked the guest to sit with him or her.
2. People introduced themselves to the guests.
3. The signage from the parking lot to the coffee pot and everything in between was clear.
4. The welcome center was visible.
5. The children's area was something appealing to kids.
6. The children's area was safe, secure and clean.
7. Guest parking was available and visible.
8. The church did not have a "meet and greet" time.
9. The congregation was genuine, not pushy.
10. The guest card was simple to complete.

Now...discuss...