You're Welcome!

I have served on several consultation teams for churches that want to get better and want to reach more people. As a part of those teams, we visit as "outsiders" and ask probing questions of the leadership. Inevitably, when we ask people (especially those who have been there a long time) to describe their church, one of the first (if not the very first) answers we get is, "We're a very friendly church." In all my years of being in and around the church, I have never heard anyone say, "We're an unfriendly church." Every church congregation perceives themselves as friendly, usually "more friendly than anyone else."

But is that perception true? Or is it only true if you're already part of the "family"? The problem we often encounter is that people "on the inside" are friendly to each other. The longer we are part of the church, we forget what it's like to be a first-time guest.

Several years ago, my family and another family we were on vacation with visited a church in my denomination. This church was located in what I would call a "tourist" area, and I assumed they would be great at hospitality. Boy, was I wrong. There were eight of us (four adults and four kids), so we were not exactly able to "sneak in and out" without being noticed. Our kids were small, so they weren't exactly quiet, either. We found a seat, got comfortable and the worship service started. At one point in the service, as is the case in many churches, they had a "meet and greet" time—and absolutely no one talked to us or said hello. Some looked our way, then turned toward someone they actually knew to greet them. On the way out (after the service), the speaker shook my hand and said, "I hope you come back." I bit my tongue, but what I was thinking was, "Why would we?" In fact, we have been back to that area with those friends several times and have never returned to that church.

You only get one chance to make a first impression. And if that impression isn't a good one, it sticks with you.

Many, if not most, who are reading this blog were in church yesterday (I'm writing on a Monday). What was your worship experience like? Not the actual worship service, but the "before," "during" and "after." Did you greet anyone new? Did you speak to those visitors? Or did you only speak to people you knew (people you could have, after all, talked to at any time during the past week)?

Thom Rainer, in his book Becoming a Welcoming Church (upon which I plan to base the next several blogs), has found ten reasons why people do not return to a church they visited once. Can you guess what they are? If not, it's probably been a long time since you've been a guest at a new church. Here are Rainer's findings:

1. The "meet and greet" is unfriendly and awkward. (This response came in by the hundreds. We've heard this from guests at our church as well.)
2. Church members were unfriendly, retreating to the comfort of what Rainer calls "holy huddles" (only talking to people they already know).
3. Unsafe and unclean children's areas.
4. No clear place to get information on what's going on in the church or what the church is about.
5. The website is bad. (For some people, they don't even go visit if the website doesn't include clear information. They check out your website or Facebook page first.)
6. The signage in and around the church is bad or unclear (or broken or nonexistent).
7. The language used in the church is unclear, aimed at "insiders" rather than newcomers. ("Bless you, brother, how is your sanctification coming along?")
8. The worship service was bad or boring.
9. Someone told them they were in a church member's pew or seat! (I know a pastor's wife this happened to on the new pastor's first Sunday!)
10. The facilities are just dirty.

In the next blog, I'll talk about what brings people back. But for now, what do you think about this list? Have you been a guest when any of these have happened? Feel free to hit the comments with your experiences.