Mend

Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I doing about it?

I call this the "in case I missed anything" question. There are a wide variety of emotions and feelings here. Fear, dislike, disown, criticize, resent, disregard...I would guess that all of us have felt at least one of these toward someone. Most likely, there is someone or someones we are experiencing at least one of these feelings toward right now. (Or maybe I'm just writing to myself.)

Notice that this question, John Wesley's twentieth (out of 22), doesn't ask who. But it does ask about the brokenness. Basically, we might rephrase this question to ask, "Is there anyone with whom I have a broken relationship?" And to that, most of us (probably all of us) would have to answer "yes."

Brokenness is a part of life, but that does not mean we have to accept it as the norm or the status quo. Brokenness came into the world as a result of sin. Way back in the Garden, Adam and Eve chose to break their relationship with God by doing the one thing he told them not to do. Brokenness entered the world, and every relationship from that moment on has contained a bit of brokenness.

But we have a choice as to how big we let the break get. For instance, let's say we notice a crack in our windshield. A small chip, a barely-noticeable break in the cohesion of the glass. We have a choice at that moment, to take some small steps to repair the imperfection, or we can let it go. If we let it go, we have a small chance it will not get bigger, but in most cases, over time, that small crack becomes a slightly larger crack and then an even bigger crack...until the windshield is ruined and we either have to replace it or the whole car!

Relationships are a lot like that. If we tend to small misunderstandings or "breaks" early on when we first notice them, it's a lot easier to repair and the brokenness won't continue to grow. If we just ignore it, refuse to talk about it, assume it will go away, we will find the brokenness growing and eventually, the relationship will be ruined. It might be due to resentment, fear, dislike or any of the other things Wesley lists. But it will be ruined, perhaps for good.

The critical question here is not the nature of the relationship, but the last part of the question: What am I doing about it? That's the part we really need to answer. How are we mending the brokenness? And if we're not, what are we planning to do to mend the brokenness? Granted, you cannot do everything. If the other party is unwilling to mend the break, you cannot do it by yourself, which, I think, is why Paul says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). All we can do is our part. Unlike the glass, other people are not passive nor always willing to be repaired. But if we can, our call is to heal the brokenness and mend relationships.

So...is there brokenness somewhere in your life? And what are you doing about it?